1. Never explain you you’re doing
You’re a professional. Doctors don’t explain, why should you. The client doesn’t need to know why you’re charging, or what your process is, just that you’re doing it.
2. Don’t put a blogroll on your blog
It takes up too much of your valuable real estate. Why, you could put more ads there instead.
3. Hire other people to write all your posts
Your own voice, views, and opinions don’t matter. Besides everything that you could say has already been said.
4. Replying to comments is a waste of time
Interacting makes you seem approachable (who wants that)?
5. Use lots of fancy words on your web site and your brochures
Write desiccated instead of dry and obstreperous rather than disruptive. Acronyms are good too. Don’t spell them out and never explain what they mean; they’ll show your prospects how smart you are.
6. Freebies are for sissies
Don’t give anything away or do anything for free (ever). It will just cut into your profits.
7. Make your products appeal to everybody
The more average you are, the more money you’ll make.
8. Advertise to everyone
Your products and services are great. Everyone will want them.
9. Ignore emails from your contact form or ebooks
If they really want to reach you, they’ll call.
10. Do everything for free
Eating is overrated. So is sleeping indoors.
11. Never share your ideas
Don’t even tell your partners or your vendors. Someone might steal them.
12. Turn off all your social networking tools
Disable Add This, Bookmark, Twitter, and Facebook, on your blog, LinkedIn and web site. Don’t let anyone share until you have a private forum or something to sell.
13. Include a 5-page legal policy on your site
Require written permission before anyone can link to you.*
*I am not making these up. They’re real. Even the last one.
Image compliments of Ben Earwicker
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