Go to your web site home page. Or, even better, check a landing page. If you prefer, pick up a brochure, leave-behind, or any other marketing material you have handy.
Read the first paragraph.
See how many times it says, “me”, “I”, or “we”. Then, count how often it says, “you” or “your”. The “you’s” and “yours” should greatly outnumber the “we’s”. If they don’t you’re focusing too much on yourself and not enough on your customers.
Check your competition
Now, go to a competitor’s Web site. Read the first paragraph. Can you plug yours in? Are they significantly different? Does your site say anything special about you? Or, does it use language like “leading edge technology company” or “fostering health education and education activities for Southern Michigan since 1996″? Is the wording interchangeable? Is it clear from the first sentence exactly what your company or organization does?
Now, go back and rewrite the paragraph. Read it out loud. Better yet, read it to someone else (preferably someone who doesn’t work for you). See how much better that sounds?